wanting to say something, but not really knowing what to say.
why do I even care- no one reads this blog anyways- atleast no one that I know.
So why do I insist on keeping up appearances?
Why do I insist on only putting up blogs that I deem refined or good enough for my little personal shrine?
I guess I don't like my blog to be too journal-like.
I know I really don't like them to reveal myself too personal.
I always like to be a little obscure- leave something unsaid.
Writing deals with the mundane of life, but I like to express it in words less than ordinary.
And so, to just put it out here- without eloquence, without beauty, seems boring- a line just a little too exposed, not pretty enough, not thought-provoking enough.

Why's it so hard to admit here that I'm having a hard time.
To write it out: I'm struggling vocally.
To admit in writing- I'm confused about what I'm doing with my life.

To arrive at the end of a masters degree and to suddenly feel confused and unstable. What am I chasing after? Do I even really love it half as much as I sometimes feel I've tried to convince myself of?

I guess- more than anything right now- I'm physically struggling with my voice- I guess I need to go see an ENT- if for nothing more than peace of mind. I guess that's perhaps causing some of this confusion- to have my very essence of liveliness and being not working right- therein lies a major reason for my tears and frustration.