I Hug Empty Air

[Journal entry 8/10/11)
There are a few things I want to say here...

I want to enjoy the process, the journey, I really do.
To embrace the unknown,
but how to wrap my arms around something I can't see or know?
Something I can only remotely imagine most days.

[Selah]

I hug empty air.
Embracing the unknown often leaves me feeling like I'm delusional,
but atleast the embrace comes back to me.
To wrap my long monkey arms around nothing brings those same lengthy appendages back to my own body.
But this seemingly circus act ultimately seems to leave me feeling like a lonely failure.
Carnival: what began as a grand celebration of life has morphed into a floundering excuse for fun,
dirty and falling far short.
Is faith just a fabulous illusion?
What I thought was there,
is actually not?
A product of my overly-imaginative mind?
These things I ask myself as I sit and stare
my arms around my body,
lost in the only embrace I know,
my own.
And yet, to hug one's self seems plain silly or pathetic.